I hope this story encourages someone in this time where there is so much anger, division, and selfishness. I’ve never asked for any post of mine to be shared, but I’m going to with this. I questioned my motives for sharing this wanting to make sure I didn’t just want a pat on the back. My hope is it inspires and gives glory to God. My pastor shared this story on Sunday morning, and I think it is time to share it publically.
Almost 10 years ago, toward the end of my first marriage, my x-wife had an affair with one of my closest friends. He was one of my roommates and college, and we became like brothers. There was so much we learned from each other. There are illustrations I use still use in sermons and in counseling sessions that I learned from him. We had countless nights of staying up to the early hours in the morning discussing the things of God, and we encouraged each other’s spiritual walk.
I was more hurt by what he did vs what she did. I’ve had many dreams about this man, and most were about me punching him in the face. I had told him back when it happened that I forgave him, but the hurt remained. I missed him dearly, but was still angry with him all at the same time. I have had many opportunities to tell his wife what happened, but I always thought of David’s example of allowing God to handle it.
This man reached out a few weeks ago wanting to meet face to face. He said he needed to apologize for what he had done. I agreed. He came to my counseling office, and I let him talk. He told me what happened, and how everything transpired. He told me of the multiple affairs he had had during that time with multiple different women. He told me about how he had driven his wife to attempt suicide. He told me about his divorce, losing his children, and 2 bankruptcies. He told me how put himself through celebrate recovery for sex addiction, and how he has worked to regain his relationship with Christ. Then he apologized for playing apart in the death of my marriage, and for splitting up my son’s parents. He showed great remorse and emotion.
Before he arrived. I sought guidance in prayer. And I felt compelled to do something that I’m not a big fan of. I felt the Holy Spirit tell me to wash his feet. I thought “Please no!! Anything but that.” I hate feet. I hate my own feet. I hate my wife’s feet. I hate feet!!! But, I obeyed. I prepared a pale of water and some towels, and hid it behind my desk as he talked.
Once he finished talking. I asked a few questions. Told him that he didn’t cause my marriage to end, but it was a decision my x-wife had made before the affair even happened. I told him what he did hurt me more than what my wife did. I told him about the dreams, and told him I’ve missed him at the same time. Then I told him to take off his shoes and socks. He looked at me in confusion, so I had to repeat myself. He complied, and I retrieved the water hiding behind my desk. I got on my knees in front of him, washed both of his feet, and told him “In the words of Joseph, you are my brother. What you meant for evil, God has used for good. I love you and forgive you.” I told him, that this is to represent washing away his guilt. I said I have no right to hold anything against him, because I understand the need for grace and forgiveness.
We both wept. He said he had prayed and hoped we could reconcile our relationship, because he had missed me as well.
God is good. I got my brother back!